I start to think “I don’t like you, I like him…” and that same “him” walks right past me at that same moment. What is that supposed to mean?
Was I the one who slipped you back into your shell? Did I ruin your happiness? Did I spark the fire that started back your depression? Was it me? Because I really need to know why you’re acting so different. Why we barely talk and why you don’t care anymore. You say you’re so down in the dumps but you’re so wrapped up in yourself, you don’t even think about how you’re effecting me. I care. So much. And when you act like this, you bring me down with you.
I wonder if anybody can see through my smile. I wonder if they’ll ever ask how I really am. I wonder if they can tell that I’m not okay. I wonder if they know that I have no one to talk to. I wonder if they know that all of my happiness is fake. I wonder if they know that I’m tired of faking it. I wonder when they’ll realize that it’s all because they don’t care enough to ask. I wonder if they know that they’re doing this to me. I wonder if they realize that when I say “they” I really only mean one person. You.
Broke down in tears at the beginning of my voice lesson today. I could go on for 30 minutes about how stressful my life is, but I won’t. Anyway, the thing that set me off was that I was pitchy and my voice was cracking and my breathing was off. And just a few hours ago I was golden. So I broke down. I bottle things up for too long and this is what happens. My voice coach is amazing though. We talked the whole time about what was going on, because I no longer have close friends to talk to, and I don’t get along with my parents. She is such a blessing in my life. Sure it’s embarrassing to break out in hysterics in front of her, but she’s so understanding and so full of wisdom. She’s an inspiration to me and she’s the reason I will get right back up and keep trying until I succeed.
